Oh Shucks

On Monday night and Tuesday morning I experienced my first rebel against God. No, I didn't do anything bad, but inside I felt as if I was falling apart. A part of me wanted nothing more but to turn my back and not care. I wanted to not have to listen anymore, I wanted to not feel "convicted" anymore. I mean, why did I have to abide by the rules no one else seemed to care about? Why did I always have to be the better person? But, when I think about it, would I really ever be satisfied not being the best person I could? Being like everyone else is who I was BEFORE I got saved, and I definitely was not happy like that. If God wasn't here encouraging me, who would? No one. I love who I am, with God. Just feeling as if I was internally rebelling against him was tearing me apart. So I sat on my bus that morning and the song By your side by Tenth Avenue North played. It was as if God was speaking directly to me! He was right next to be, pushing me to be a better person, calming my panic and making me new. <3 I know that those feeling are going to build up again, that my frustration will explode into depression and I'll be feeling conflicted, but those are the times when I'll God see work the most in my life.